I Don't Fit

Old Journal Entry:

I don’t fit

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What I was saying when I wrote those few words above is, I don’t fit the qualifications, or the role expected where I was serving.

Who am I? What enneagram number? What is my calling? Am I successful? What do others think of me? Where do I fit in the Kingdom of God?

Questions that you may have asked yourself too. We want a place and a purpose. I have written along these lines before, but stick with me! I am going somewhere.

We try to find our place and where we fit. We want to be successful. We may even look at others and want to accomplish or make a name for ourselves. We all want to amount to something.

We may look to an enneagram number to find out our flaws or where we fit. I am going to go against popular opinion, but I’m not a fan and do not agree with this. I believe that God made us such complex individuals that we cannot fit into a number. I believe it can make an excuse for what our “flaws” are and make way for okaying sin. Let's get off of that controversial topic.

What it boils down to is we want to be successful. We want to grow and become better.

In the church it seems that oftentimes we see certain positions as a place of reaching success. If I pastor, I am a successful minister. If I am a minister's wife, I am successful. If I lead worship… I could go on. If we are not careful, we can start focusing so much on trying to get to a certain goal that we miss the will of God for our lives. We try to get to a certain place to be “successful”, and to feel like we are doing something for God. We try to get to a place where we finally feel like we have arrived. We can find ourselves fighting to finally feel like we are doing something for God. We can start trying to reach this “place” of finally doing something great for God, but it is then we get distracted and we miss what He truly called us to do. We miss the true greatness that God has ordained for us. Maybe we are even trying to reach a place of true happiness. We can find ourselves trying to reach a place where we are fulfilled.

I want to encourage you and tell you today, you don’t have to be a pastor to be a great minister. You don’t have to be a minister's wife who is a piano player to be successful. You don’t have to have a position or title in your church to be accomplished.

I have seen so many times people not prosper in their true ministry, giftings, or talents because they have this desire to be something they are not. God will qualify the unqualified, yes. Do our desires match up with his? Is the place we are trying to reach really where we need to go?

You can work for God where you are. Be content where God has placed, but don’t get complacent. We should always be growing spiritually; young or old.

You may push your way to a position or place where you feel like you will finally be successful. However, insecurities don’t go away because you have a title. Maybe you have gotten to that place where you thought you would finally find fulfillment, only to feel like you don’t fit there either. It doesn’t seem like this is the place where I belong. I’m not qualified. Is this really my calling? I want to do something great for the Lord, but I’m still not doing it.

If you work in a factory, you can still work for Jesus.

If you are a nurse, you can still work for Jesus.

If you are a stay at home mother, you can still work for Jesus.

If you are… you can still work for Jesus!

When I was a teenager, if I were to look at a youth leader's wife, I would have thoughts along the lines of, “If I ever do something like that, I will really be doing something for God.” There were times that I would look at an evangelist couple and would think how they had it together, were to a place of spirituality, or maybe had “arrived”.

Can I tell you that I have served as a worship leader, praise team member, minister's wife, youth leader's wife, evangelist wife, Sunday school teacher, and more. There has not been a single role in itself that has left me fulfilled. I do not believe there is a role or object that can leave you fulfilled in itself. True fulfillment happens when you get your will aligned with His will and become content while serving where God has placed you. It is a place where you are always striving to be better, but not always striving for somewhere that we deem better. It is a confidence in your relationship with God.

Insecurities don’t go away because you have a title.

Flaws don’t go away because you have a position.

You aren’t successful because you are what someone else is.

The feeling of wanting to do more…

The feeling of not accomplishing enough…

The feeling of failing…

These feelings will not go away because you finally arrived at a place where you think you will get your fulfillment.

Fulfillment is found whenever you let the desires of God's heart be the desires of yours, and accept His will.

I want to encourage you today to give your all where God has placed you. Be flexible and be ready to serve wherever you can. The greatest way you could work for God is to serve with a pure heart and give your all where you are.

Your fulfillment will not be found in a certain place or position. It will be found when you surrender your will to His. It will be found when you aren’t comparing yourself to someone you feel is more successful than you. Comparison will steal your fulfillment.

You can’t wait until you get to a certain “place” to have the prayer life, Bible knowledge, or relationship with God that you desire and He is calling you to. If you don’t do it now, you will never get there.

I encourage you to find your fulfillment in Christ today. Serve where he placed you. You do “fit”, even if you aren’t doing it just like someone else.