Nothing in Return

*Derek's words. India's words.

One of the main things I did when I first started journaling was writing something I was thankful for about my husband each day.

I started this because we were struggling. We were going through a hard place. We all endured the 2020 hardships, right? Whenever my husband started working from home, we actually loved it! However, moving into a 29 foot RV… not so much. For the first time in our marriage we had to come to terms with some of each other's flaws and routines that we had never paid attention to before. We struggled. Relationships have ups and downs. However, in the down times are great times for growth.

When I quit my job, I liked waking up in the morning and turning on the lights and starting the day. That apparently clashed with my wife’s routines. Since I was messing up her schedule, she wrote it down and gave it to me. I looked through it several times and finally realized that I was not on the schedule. The schedule said that her and our son, Ari, did certain things at certain times and all of the details, but I was nowhere to be found.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is true. I did this. Let me tell you I was very serious at the time too. haha!

However, after a short time of encountering these marital problems (some silly as mentioned above), I did something a little different. I didn’t focus on all of the things I thought he was doing wrong. I’m going to stop here and say, in almost every situation, there are things on both sides that need improvement, not just the person on the other side of the relationship, we all need “work”. This time when struggles arose, I focused on me. If you have read many of my blog posts you might be catching onto a strong passion of mine, work on yourself, and stop trying to change everyone around you. I also focused on the good of my husband. I said something I was thankful for every day. Why? Because while it may be easier to focus on all the things I thought he was doing wrong, there was also so much that he was doing right. There was a Godly man trying his best to lead his family.

What I was really doing was choosing to love. I was choosing to love, even when it wasn’t easy. I chose to love without expecting something back in return.

It is easy when you first start dating. You have that new found love. Everything is easy at first. It’s exciting! Then storms of life come along and it can get difficult. Your spouse is the, or should be, the closest person to you in the natural.

Spiritually, our relationship with God starts. It is that new found love. It is easy at first with the excitement. Then the storms of life come, and it can get difficult.

When you begin a new ministry, it is exciting, it is a little easier at first (thank you honeymoon phase), then the reality of everything sets in, and it can get more difficult.

You invested what seemed like all of your time and energy into a person then they turned their back on God, and you.

You gave and gave financially to support that ministry, and then it is hard to pay the bills.

Ministry hurts. You can feel like at the end of the day, you have invested so much into people, your church, your ministry, and you get nothing in return.

There is a mindset that we can fall into, where we end up taking things personally and have the attitude, “after everything I have done”... this can lead, in my opinion, to a dangerous place.

This may sound harsh, but people don’t owe you anything.

If you are serving in ministry as unto men, it will leave you struggling and broken. Do it as unto the Lord. Will it still be painful at times? Yes. If you are serving unto Him, He won’t fail you.

Ministry is like a relationship… you have to give, love selflessly, be patient, be kind… expecting nothing in return. It is selfless.

You have to do it unto the Lord.

As leaders we are not perfect. We make mistakes along the way too. It is easy to focus on the ones that you are helping, and they hurt you or do you wrong. Then we seem to forget about our shortcomings. Do it unto the Lord.

There are beautiful things in ministry. It may seem silly, but write what you are thankful for down.

If the weight and changes of ministry are weighing on your marriage, write what you are thankful for in your spouse everyday, until God changes your heart.

If you feel like you can’t help another person, because it hurts too much, write down or really think about the blessings and the good things you have seen.

It may seem hard right now, but keep going. Choose to love expecting nothing in return.

Jesus chose to love Judas, even though He knew what Judas was going to do. Jesus even gave him a position among the rest of the disciples, even though he knew ultimately that Judas was going to hurt Him.

Discouragement and the valleys in ministry are a great time for growth. The valleys of marriage are a great time for growth, and really a ministry of its own. Choose to love, give, and serve, even though it hurts right now. Do it as unto the Lord, and He won’t fail you.